Hi there! If you are reading this it is probably because you are a woman and you want to talk to other women about struggles that we are facing in our everyday lives. I thought it is better for all of us to just jump straight into it and not beat around the bush. We are here today, talking about one thing that for some might be embarrassing, for some may be interesting and for rest might be just a normal thing that you want to discover and learn more about.
So let’s start by defining sex. I mean, not the literal definition of it, no. Let’s just think about what sex means and is to us. Just stop for a second and think about what the best sex looks like for you. What do you like, what is you biggest no-no, what turns you on. I believe you probably know most of this stuff already but if not – there’s no problem. We are here to help each other and help discover things about yourself you didn’t know.
Why talking about sex is important?
It makes us feel more confident about what we are doing. We can discover a lot of surprising things about our partners and what they like. We can even shock ourselves with what we like to do in bed. Talking about this makes us understand better the meaning of it, the purpose of it and the enjoyment of it. Try to find your own definition of sex.
My definition of sex is “two people, being intimate, knowing what they’re doing and what they both like, so sex can be the best every time”. Simple, yet there is so many things I had to learn and discover to get to that point.
So the first question I’d like you to ask yourself is “Is my sex life enough for me?” and try to give the answer straight away. I am not going to ask what was your answer because in the end of the day it is something you should keep between you and your partner – at least in some measures. So today’s post I just want you to be honest with yourself. After all, having a good sex life is important for both sides – men and women.
What are our sex struggles as women?
I am pretty sure that some of us were in a situation where you weren’t fully satisfied but your man didn’t know as you felt too embarrassed to say anything so you just pretended to be happy with it. Am I right? Or when your partner was “too tired” to finish you off so you had to do it yourself? Don’t even start me on men thinking that satisfying us by going down is gross but us going down on them is totally fine. I feel like most of us have been in that or similar situation. And it sucks.
The saying “struggle is real” was never as accurate as with the sex talk.
Now, I understand that many of you can be really put off with all the talking about sex and intimacy but I believe that talking about it with other women can be really eye-opening and reassuring so let’s talk about it in the comments. What are your sex struggles? What pisses you off? What do you want to know?
There is no shame in admitting that we are kind of disappointed when our partner is finishing too fast and leaves us to take care of ourselves alone. There is no shame in saying that maybe you are fed up with normal sex and you need a little bit more of excitement like trying new positions or even new places. There is no shame in having toys in your bedside table so you can spice things up. Anything can help you discover yourself – you just have to reach for it.
What to do when partner doesn’t care about our needs?
I say – talk. Communication is the key when it comes to sex. Don’t hide things from each other, don’t try to pretend that it doesn’t bother you. Open your mouth and say something. I know it might be hard at the beginning and probably will be awkward as hell but the more you do it, the more you will see that your sex life is changing. Trust me on this. Sit down with your partner and recall the last time you had sex. What went wrong? What went right? What do you want to improve? What do you want to stop? Just let everything out.
The struggle with body image
I know that there are some women that are very conscious about how they look. Maybe you were pregnant and you belly doesn’t look the same as before. Maybe your boobs are saggy and you feel like this will turn your partner off. Or maybe you’re plus size babe that doesn’t feel confident enough to have sex with the light on. ALL OF THESE PROBLEMS CAN GO BUGGER OFF! Listen, if your partner is with you right now it probably doesn’t matter to them how you look because they love you as you are. You are the most precious thing for them and sex for men is just like a cherry on cake. They probably don’t care if your boobs are saggy, small, perky or if your belly is jiggly. They want you to feel as good as they do. They want to see you enjoying it, not stressing about how you look.
If you still have some problems with your body image, try to talk to your partner about it (yes, talking is the key – I will say it as many times it needs to be said). It really helps to hear your partner saying that he love every inch of your body and that you have nothing to worry about. If he doesn’t say that – does he really loves you?
Here are some questions you can ask your partner:
- What do you like in bed?
- How do you feel about using toys?
- Shall we try having sex in different positions?
- What don’t you like in bed?
- How can we improve our sex life?
- What’s the biggest no-no to you?
- What is the limit for you when it comes to sex?
- Is there anything that bothers you about me?
Now it is your turn!
In the comments section below I want you to ask questions, give advice, share a story! Remember to be anonymous (do not include your real name or links to your site. You can use a nickname or a fake name). Any comments that are not anonymous are going to be deleted from the discussion.
Let’s talk about sex!