How to build your self-confidence

How to build your self-confidence

Hi, my name is Liz, and I am the writer behind LizLovesBlog! Topics I write about range from sustainability, fashion, beauty and lifestyle so I was really excited to get a change to write for Monika. 

Self-confidence is something that is tricky to build, and hard to teach. For me, it comes in waves – sometimes I feel super confident and love my body and the way I look, and some days I’m the opposite.

Something I find really hard to say (especially on the internet), is that I like my body. Of course, there are things I would change, and I definitely want to keep progressing and becoming the best version of myself. But I do like the way I look! I feel like we are conditioned into this mindset that we should want to change the way we look and that nobody is happy with how they look but it just doesn’t have to be that way. So these are some of the tips which have helped me to build self-confidence over the last few years.

Practise self-love. 
If you have insecurities about your appearance, challenge yourself to write down (at least) one thing you like about yourself each day for a week. And then at the end of the week you’ll have a long list of positive attributes to look at.

Self-love is something everyone can work on, use affirmations, write them down or speak them into the universe, it might feel silly, but I do believe that this works. 

You also need to take time for yourself, try to take care of your body and appreciate what it does for you. This might mean having a long bath to relax, or it might mean going for a run to clear your head. Self-love is different for everyone so make sure you are doing what feels right for you, and not what you think you should be doing. 


Remove toxic people from your life, and your Instagram feed. 

Surround yourself with people that want you to succeed. Finding people who build you up and support you can make a massive difference to how you feel about yourself. 

Having the right friends can make such a difference when you’re having a bad day or not feeling yourself.  

Along with real-life, you need to follow the right people on social media. It’s no secret that social media has affected the body-image of its users, and it is very easy to get lost in an influencers Instagram feed and end up comparing yourself to them. There are, however, a lot of amazing individuals online who focus on body confidence and loving yourself and are really honest and real. These are the people I want to follow and I think you should too. Remove anyone who makes you feel inferior and follow people who inspire you and boost your confidence. Your social media should be fun and inspiring, if it is anything but this, you need to make some changes.  

Don’t compare yourself to others. 

This is something that I have realised over time and it’s also something I have worked on within myself a lot recently. Everyone is on a different path and what is meant for you will come your way. Whether it’s a relationship or a job interview, comparing yourself to other people will get you nowhere, it’s actually more detrimental to you because it’s a waste of your time and makes you feel worse. 

Growing up it always felt like there was this ‘ideal body type’ and to become attractive I have to fit into that body type, but I had to come to terms with the fact I would never look like that, even if I starved myself or went to the gym for hours every day. And also, this ‘perfect body type’ changes, which makes it even harder to achieve when the goal posts are constantly shifting. Once you realise that all bodies are beautiful in their differences, you can start enjoying life more without worrying about what you look like and what other people think. 

Fake it till you make it.
This is something my mum used to say to me all the time and I never really got it. But it really is true, if you walk into a room of people you have never met before, you can be anyone that you want to be. There are times in my life where I have felt so nervous and unsure of myself, but people thought I was really confident because of the way I acted. 

Nobody knows that you are nervous or unsure of yourself unless you show them. Confidence is very much an act and if you keep acting confident it soon follows naturally. 

Where to find Liz:

Blog – http://www.lizlovesblog.co.uk/

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/lizhartley04/

Twitter – https://twitter.com/Lizziejhartley

Pinterest – https://www.pinterest.co.uk/elizabethhartley15/

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20 Simple Self-Care Ideas For You To Try + A Story

20 Simple Self-Care Ideas For You To Try + A Story

Self-care, self-care, self-care… It is so hard to make time for an actual self-care these days. People are busy and always on their feet, trying to get the most out of the day. One person can work long days, the other might work nights and sleep all day. It is quite impossible to create a space and time for self-care but I believe that there is always a way around it.

For me self-care is a time in the day where you can just be with yourself and stop for a second. It is highly connected with hygge for me. I like to feel comfortable and cosy when I practise self-care so you won’t see me at the gym wearing tight clothing or working out as it is just simply not entertaining or calming for me. I like to sit and enjoy my company.

I created a little list of twenty simple ideas for self-care. You can do even during your break at work (some of them you can do at work but I wouldn’t recommend having a bubble bath in front of all your co-workers).

  1. Practise affirmations – one of my favourites and best ones when you have a bad day. Just try to give yourself some compliments or tell yourself that you’re strong and can overcome anything that’s thrown in your way.
  2. Read something educational – these days it is hard to find something very educational in a way we actually take something out of the article. Try to find some good articles about how to do something to make sure you will take something out of it.
  3. Read a chapter (or a page) of the book – no explanation needed. Just grab your favourite book and send yourself away in a mysterious new world.
  4. Write in the journal – not for everybody, I know, but it helps me to get through the day when I just pour my feelings on the paper.
  5. Practise mindful breathing – there are many apps that can help you with mindfulness. I use app called SERENITY that gives you various options to choose from.
  6. Stretch for 5 minutes – I don’t know about you but I need a good stretch after every 30 minutes I spend sitting. This one is a good one, especially for people who have a desk job and spend most of the time in a day sitting.
  7. Make yourself a cup of tea – who doesn’t like tea? Oh, you don’t? That’s okay, you can substitute for coffee or any other beverage that you enjoy (let’s just keep away from drinking wine at work. That could go very wrong).
  8. Get yourself a glass of wine – AFTER working hours, when you’re sitting down on your couch, alone or with your partner. Wrapping yourself in a blanket helps a lot too.
  9. Watch a comedy movie – or action movie, or adventure movie. It’s all up to you. You know what you like. Just try to keep away from the sad movies as they usually bring us down instead of cheering us up.
  10. Take a bubble bath (again, do not recommending doing that at work. Would be very awkward) – add good smelling candles and you’re ready for full experience.
  1. Do a little dance session – who doesn’t like to dance?! When we move, the endorphins in our body are woken up and we feel happier. So turn on that one song (you know which one I am talking about) and dance your heart out!
  2. Order takeaway – your favourite restaurant awaits!
  3. Make yourself a little spa day at home – face masks, creams, foot baths, all you can think of when you hear “spa day”. You don’t have to spend a penny for a homemade spa!
  4. Have a picnic date with a partner or by yourself (looking at the clouds can be very calming).
  5. Bake your favourite dessert (and then eat it all by yourself).
  6. Dress nicely for no reason (because you are the reason! Feel sexy in that pretty dress!)
  7. Turn off your phone and meditate or practice yoga – important thing to do when you use your phone a lot. Try to disconnect for awhile and see how it feels to stop receiving annoying messages or emails. Trust me, it is a bliss.
  8. Listen to podcast or good music (I won’t specify because we all have different taste, but you know what I mean – that music that makes you feel good and happy!).
  9. Take yourself out for a drink and a meal (totally recommend going alone instead of going with a partner).
  10. Buy yourself a present – whether it is online or in the shop, just treat yourself to something nice and fun!

It is all about your mental health and how you take care of it. Talking about mental health, if you’re following my blog you might have seen that I wasn’t posting anything for quite awhile and I would like to take a moment to tell you what happened and how I have been managing my stress and anxiety. It a very short story.

I can’t say a lot so they won’t get upset with me again, but my boss acknowledged that I have a blog and a company decided that is it a sensitive information that I am posting. I knew exactly what they were referring to and they decided to open an investigation about it. Taking my anxiety and stress level right now, my mental health went from 10 to -100 pretty quickly. I got nervous and stressed, I couldn’t eat or sleep normally. I was kind of a wreck. It just made my brain a scrambled mess. I was thinking about why would they make an investigation about it if it is my personal life and personal blog?

I just couldn’t be myself anymore. It still stresses me out as it is not resolved at the moment. I am still struggling about it and taking the situation I am at right now (I am being furloughed and I make way less money which makes me stressed about bills and my mortgage) it makes me want to quit my job. I am scared for my future. I was thinking about it for a long time as I want to make my own company from the comfort of my home. And now, I am 100% sure that I am going to quit. It just gives me too much stress to even think about my place of work.

I really want you to advise me on this one. I know most of you will probably not read the story part but the ones that do, please, tell me what you think about it!

Have a great day, my lovelies!

How To Be Body Positive?

How To Be Body Positive?

I know a few things about self-love.

I sometimes have this horrible moments when I hate my body so much that I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I guess we all do, right? I used to be bullied because of how I look. People in my life have been telling me constantly how I should lose weight and be skinnier and that didn’t help me with loving myself. It just made it worse on every possible level. I always weighted a few pounds more than I should and I was fine with it until I started going through puberty. My mum was obsessed with me watching what I eat and how much I eat. She would constantly push me to exercise and do things I didn’t want to do. It made me miserable. I felt like I couldn’t eat a packet of crisps without her noticing my weight gain. I didn’t want to feel like that and I know it was a main reason I moved to the UK, away from my family.

Self-love isn’t easy. It’s complicated and hard, especially when there’s so many people thinking that fat girls cannot be loved, when there is so many diets promoted on every possible social media. I am size 20 right now and I am happier than when I was size 12. I don’t know why, but gaining weight made me realise that the only person that must accept me is myself. I worked hard on restoring my confidence and my positivity and I am finally here. How I did that, you may ask? I created a self-love routine that helped me to see myself in a different light.

What’s self-love? Well, to me, it’s an ability to appreciate my own worth. It’s focusing on your happiness and well-being. It’s the love for yourself and pride in being the way you are. It’s your mental health and awareness of thoughts you’re thinking. It’s self-respect that every person should have to their bodies.

Creating self-love can take days, months or even years but it doesn’t matter as long as you try. It took me a long time to actually mean some of the things I said to my fat reflection. “I love you the way you are” I said. “No, you fat bitch, go lose weight!” my mind followed. It happened every time. I ‘m sure if you’re like me you understand. I want to share with you some tips on how to start self-love routine, how to keep track of how you are feeling about yourself and make yourself a happy, accepting person that controls the way of thinking about yourself.

Tell yourself something nice every day.

”You look beautiful”. ”I like your t-shirt”. ”Your butt looks great”. ”You are worthy”. Those are only some of the phrases I tell myself every day. It doesn’t matter if you actually mean it because I am pretty sure you won’t. It will feel like you’re forcing yourself to make it work. And it’s okay. It takes time. It will hurt at the beginning, but it will be worth it. You can use anything positive that comes to your mind. As human beings, we’re afraid of saying things like that out loud because some people may think we’re narcissistic. Maybe I am. It’s alright sometimes, so try to find something positive about yourself every day until those little pieces will come together and you’ll see yourself as a beautiful person you truly are.

Touch your body with love

I know so many people that hate their bodies so much they sometimes hit it with anger, treat it as it is not a part of their bodies and they just want out of it. It’s mostly stomach or thighs that we don’t like about ourselves. It’s terrifying to think about how much negative thoughts we have in our minds. I can already tell you – it’s not the way to make it better. And it never will be. Instead, try to caress your body slowly, with love. Look at it, smile to it. Bond with it. Realise that your body is only yours and you have to love it first before anyone else can love you for it.

Smile to yourself in the mirror

I used to look at myself, at my reflection and point out everything that’s wrong with me. Every flaw that my body has – every little stretch mark, every bit of cellulite. And I never smiled. It made me depressed because my thighs weren’t small and my belly was floppy and ugly. Right now, standing in front of the mirror and staring at my reflection I smile. Every time. I smile to my thighs, thanking them for being big and thick. I smile to my belly to let it know that I love it and there’s nothing wrong with it – it keeps all of the important parts of you inside, why would you hate it? Try to do the same. Be thoughtful of how your body looks like. Be happy that your body is the way that no one else’s body is.

Create skincare/self-care routine

Usually, when I wake up I drink a glass of water, dress up and proceed with my skincare routine. I wash my face, put oils and eye cream and then put some moisturiser on. Somehow that simple act in the morning makes me more confident. It makes me feel fresh and, somehow, fearless. If you don’t have the time for skincare routine in the morning, don’t worry – you can do it in the evening. Instead of skincare routine when you wake up, you could try some 5-minute meditation or read a small part of a book. Just a something to remind you that it’s a new day and there are new challenges waiting for you.

Try ”got home” routine

The ”got home” routine can help you to prioritise yourself. Many women think about lots of things to do before they think about themselves. It’s always kids, dinner plans, feeding pets, etc. Have you ever came back home and didn’t even take your shoes off – you just went straight to the kitchen and started cooking because your partner will be home soon and you feel like you need to satisfy them before you? That needs to change. Take your time. Take your shoes off. Change your clothes into something comfortable. Take care of your hair, hell, take a shower if you need to. You’re important. PRIORITISE YOURSELF.

Start a journal

It helped me a lot to write about my feelings and write down my thoughts. I do it in the morning, for about five minutes and then reflect on it in the evening. It made me realise that some of my problems aren’t even problems. It was just my mind trying to bring me down. It can help you to track your progress to self-love and body positivity. It’s helpful with changing your thoughts and putting them on the right track. Try to buy a small journal at first and then you’ll see that a small one is not enough because you have so much to write down. And it’s awesome, keep going. You’re on the right track to self-love, mindfulness, and acceptance!

Being self-loving, self-caring human being is not always going to be easy. There’s too much hate in this world for this to work entirely right. There are people who will try to bring you down. They will try to change you but no matter what, I want you to remember that you don’t have to change for anything. You’re perfect just the way you are. I believe if we take a few small steps, one by one, we can change a lot. If body positive community will grow we can take over the world!

What do you think about body positivity? Do you think it’s something we should or shouldn’t practise?